I’m glad I wasn’t aware of what I am now when I was 18. It would of ruined/gotten in the way of experiencing my previous relationship. I still question to the extent that all of this is effecting me now. Life is a very intricate organism; writing about anything implying finite understanding begins to close off your perspective. I am starting to see that regardless of what I write on this blog or in any book, I must let go of finite understanding and follow experience (as I talk about in my first article that went viral).

In regards to einstein’s theory of relativity, a situation can look night and day different relative to how we perceive something. Like many I have distorted the past with a heavily biased filter (I don’t know if it’s possible not to).

My brain goes back the core human problem of not following experience in an attempt to hold onto something that is solid. Down to the molecular level we already know there’s nothing solid. Nature itself through all mediums displays to us that life is continually changing and adapting. I wonder if the human beings desire for understanding is a pointless pursuit. Life demonstrates that life is a perpetually changing experience, rendering finite understanding useless relatively quickly. I conclude my previous theory stating that finite understanding is a medium through which the human being should use solely to increase the efficacy of existential navigation. The issue I have observed is that there’s a phenomena that overtakes the human being of perpetual increase of bias. I don’t have an answer for this yet; this requires more thinking.

My brain connects things in my head in a manner so complex that it takes me weeks to verbally articulate a fraction of an idea. I can see the entire picture in my brain but I cannot clearly speak or write about it yet. There’s both a spiritual and intellectual side that is increasingly merging into a larger understanding and I don’t know how to write about it.

The human brain seems to be caught in a perpetual battle between holding onto finite understanding versus the higher intuitive knowledge that shines through from the soul. There’s something deep inside the human being that acts as a compass. It appears as if the more you learn to trust this compass, the stronger it will pull.

The hyprocracy of my literature is that though I am self-aware of the human being’s predisposition to hold onto finite understanding, I am doing this myself and I don’t know if it’s possible not to.

Don’t let what you think you understand destroy your memories and present day experience. I don’t want to become a bitter man in pursuit of understanding.

I would rather see this entire fucking blog crumble than not speak my truth. No dollar sign or rise of popularity will stop my search for truth. My intellectual obsessions will run me into the ground one day; until then I continue my research.